What now.

So that's where I am now.

Very shellshocked. Back at work. Selfishly thinking of how my life has changed, IE no late night/early morning Halo or poker and I suppose feelign quite angry that he could do this and leave us all feeling this way.

There's things I have to do... See his parents (for the first time) and say something appropriate. Read through his suicide note (This worried me. I know a lot of his problems were in his head, but seeing them written down and wanting to disagree with him telling him he's wrong and wanting to help him overcome them, knowing that he's already put a stop to anything I can say or do about how he felt). There's still people I need to track down and let them know the situation. I need to sort out a reef. I need to sort out something to say at his wake..... I don't like talking in public, this is going to be hell. I was a best man recently. Trying to write an amusing speech without offending people is difficult. Trying to write an amusing speech without upsetting people at a wake is going to be difficult. The wake is a celebration of his life... I find it difficult to understand this as his life was ended early.